Going home can be problematic

walk me home, wherever that is
walk me home in the frigid wind
through the skyscrapers that never ask how we feel
meandering through the memories of what we used to be

I used to dream of so much more
so much more than lonely nights and
liquor bottles on the side of an empty road
so much more than this seemingly endless river
I'm struggling to reach the shore
I'm struggling to stay afloat
but on and on it flows and it flows

brief crests and sustained lows
have rendered the last of my energy stores vacant
carve my flaws into the bedroom walls
and then wonder why I can't sleep at night
Nascent to me this sadness is, tiring my bloody brains out
Patient, I shall wait for my shame to drain out
I'll space out till I fade out without a significant legacy
Make out with death, till I takeout myself
Entrapped with everyone else, in the chains of holy fallacies
There's no point of seeking the truth in a virtual reality

Self-aware characters quit the game before it's over.

07:30 pm. needing company, finding none

One step, two steps, and more
One mile, two miles, alone
No one, picks up, their phone
And so, I walk, alone.

Talking, loudly, again
It's all, inside, my head
Breathe in, breathe out, well done
Waste time, talking, to none.

A riot's around the corner
at the sulci of my brain
Has this loneliness taken hold of my eyes?
Or have I gone insane?

Flames of wretchedness arise
Am I all alone tonight?
Melancholy is my company
I guess I'm not alone after all

An Immaculate Soul, No Longer

The past is in the past
Don't hook-up on a year back
Time goes on quite so fast
But this year's been hell to me

Mad sounds in a mad world
A good soul thrown into a bad world
Madder than you've ever heard
A notion too painful to feel
A sight too awful to see

You're toying with the essence of a breakdown, and nurturing a rebel to its core
On taking responsibility of the making of such monster, I am not quite so sure
Don't touch what you can't grab, and don't grab what you can't spare
Don't ramble on with pungent actions from thoughts that are not there
 
And if my love was a fraction of your attention, things wouldn't have gone this way
And if this attraction was as true as has been, we might have landed on better days 
So I crush some aspirin, down into my abdomen, followed by spirits of haze
It helped with the vein, pulsating with pain, but not with the confusion or daze

Walking through the memories, you've seen this place before
A coffee table haunted by our aphrodisiac ghosts
Tripping up on acid, seeing galaxies and worlds
I never meant to hurt you, I just wanted to get stoned

Gliding through the lobes of my brain, it feels like drowning 
How do I tell you I need space without sounding 
heartless, or less in love with you, the thought's astounding
Killing you seems easier to me, the thought's arousing.

If your line of thoughts led you this far
Then what's one step more?

Inner Hell

Do you suppose that we could survive
This menopause for the rest of our lives?
I can't seem to look into your eyes
Remind me still of all your damn lies

The stagnant flow, non-existent tears
The screams that ream right into my fears
There's no escape from the last heartbeat
In hell, I'm drinking from River Lethe

Swathed in my screams
Bathed in my dreams

The Autumn Fallout

Last October, I was a wreck
I was the wreck you made
The fragments here and there
The soul programmed to abate,
but didn't.

I stopped looking for you in strangers' eyes
I stopped looking for you in different uteri
I started realising that my life is no lie,
and that you, are not the comfort zone where I should be lying

A lie, after a lie, I convinced myself that I was not whole
and that I will not be so
until I cement that hole
The one you left, you ought to remember
Or was I just a number
you'd forget after all?

I condemn the person that raised their glass and said:
"Drink to forget!" 
Because all alcohol did me was twirl my head
with thoughts and memories 
and psychedelic melodies
and plans to get on the road of psychosis 
with Whisky for water, and reefer for roses.

I tasted failure and got my share of humiliation 
Broke my wings for potentials, and gave in to my temptations 
It lead me nowhere, and I should've known better
Autumn's knocking on the door, but I'm not sure I'm ready for its weather.

I'm sorry I'm in denial

I can't bear looking at this
Too inhumane to be real
And I'm just me, I can't stop this
Incompotent, I feel

Maybe if I look away, it'll stop existing
Maybe if I look away, it'll be gone

I can't watch your cremation
I can't watch them dust you away
You're slowly disintegrating
Hell embraces you, today

Maybe if I look away, it'll stop existing
Maybe if I look away, it'll be gone

Downtrodden
There's no use of running
So long, and forgotten
I should just dust you away with them

Be

Be worse. Be less. Fall behind. Beneath.
Besieged to beseech
Betrothed to believe.
Bemire and become.
Be holy. Be one.

Thoughts I

And I recall you
saying that Karma will get you,
and that I will be the one to,
break the cycle and break you.

Funny. Life is funny, isn't it?
Grayscale, Iridescent
The shooting down of an innocent

I'm sorry for the fact I was giving you
Must be so hard what you're going through

Consider me dead, if you must then.

Hopes

Fucking idiot.

You lost her, you're stupid
now go and fetch cupid
to fix what's been broken
to say the unspoken

To balance reactions
and moisture contractions
between you, reactants
to state what the fact is

That you are one piece, a whole.
And you're able to repair every toll.

Fucking Dreamer.

Now leave bed and run
and go sing the unsung
to make up for your loss
to forget, fingers crossed.

Go pray to all the gods
that she forgets you not.
Down on knees, chin is up,
you beseech to them gods

And you pray
for a miracle
to go back in time
and save you both.

Don't get your hopes up too high